Look out Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal is ... Cockpuncher!

This is quite possibly the coolest thing I've ever seen.



Too bad it's not a real movie.

Let's count all the reasons the world sucks, shall we?

1. Lindsay Lohan's a lesbian
2. Miley Cyrus
3. New Kids on the Block reunion
4. Miley Cyrus
5. The Jonas Brothers
6. Joan Rivers is still alive
7. Did we cover Miley Cyrus yet?

Okay, okay. Maybe I'm being a little pessimistic here. I mean, really, what on the list couldn't possibly be viewed as a good thing? I mean, Lindsay Lohan might be bumping fur now, but we can all still hope for a sex video scandal, right? Well, that might not be so great since I didn't even know about the lesbian thing until somebody told me Samantha Ronson is a woman. Strangely enough I'd seen her several times before. And Joan Rivers, who hasn't gotten a laugh at her expense? Perhaps the most overdone here (for the purposes of cynical comedy, of course) is Miley Cyrus. It's not so much her that I'm angry at, it's her father for making her think she can sing and Disney for not telling her the truth. As far as the Jonas Brothers and NKOTB are concerned...I'm pretty sure this is that 1,000 years of darkness thing they mentioned in the Bible.

"Nobody's perfect."

"Except us, bitches. All your daughters are belong to us!"

2008 is half over! I haven't done shit! Well, actually...

I have done shit, and that's about it. I've sat around all day thinking of ways to make something more out of life other than actually doing something. And, ya know, every few minutes there was the ugly feeling in my stomach telling me it was time to go rip some crimson. Ever had that type of gassy, bloody diarrhea that sprays out and leaves little specks in the bowl that can't be flushed off? Well, anyway, I think I'm getting off track. The point is, it seems like there's just no reason to get up anymore. Well, aside from my loyal blog readers, er, make that reader. All I remember is that I started this blog towards the end of last year and only four measly posts later we're already half way through the frickin' year. (Insert big ass sigh here). Oh well. At least there's always tomorrow, except I've got an orthodontist appointment tomorrow, and we all know how bad that sucks. But I'll tell you what, it sucks even more being a 5-foot six-inch 22 year old with braces. Okay, okay. That's enough belly aching from me. I'm thinking I might talk about the upcoming Resident Evil 5 game in my next post, but I'm just not sure. Until then though, here's hoping the next half of this year is better than the first. Later.