Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Vanessa Hudgens shows what the V in her name really stands for

...And I fall deeper in love. Dear Lord, are there no scruples left these days? No self-control? No...uh...oh, whatever. Look, the point is, more (censored) nude pics of Vanessa Hudgens surfaced on the net sometime yesterday and I'm treating it like the nation just went on high terror alert. Why? Because I need the uncensored version of these things damn it! Anyway, I know what you're saying--this isn't even news. Well, you're right and you're wrong. Where Baby V is concerned, no, nudity is nothing really shocking to report. But where vag is concerned, I will be there, knuckle deep in the situation, pushing and grinding away until I get to the juicy center of the story! Don't give me that, I'm doing it all for you people. Anyway, I can't post the pictures here because I'm not a big fancy website with a team of lawyers, but I can direct you to sites like the excellent egotastic.com (my personal favorite) where said pics can be witnessed in all their High School Musical glory. Vanessa Hudgens, as you may know, is the olive skinned goddess known for portraying Gabrielle Montez is the popular Disney franchise, and is also in the upcoming Zack Snyder film Sucker Punch starring Emily Browning and Jaimie Chung. On the basis of that I'd probably give it a pass, but when I saw that everyday badass Scott Glenn was going to be in it, I knew I would be there opening night. Anyway, I know you came here hoping to see a picture of Vanessa Hudgens's pussy...so here ya go.

See, it's funny because hers isn't bald. Er, I'll try harder next time, I swear.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Justin Bieber kisses Selena Gomez, world ends early

I know, I know. It's been forever since I've posted. Give me a break, I've been on the toilet. The good news is, there hasn't been a lot worth mentioning in the messy circle-jerk called Hollywood. Of course, there never really is. I take exception to this one, though.
Turns out the scientists were wrong. Life as we know it isn't going to end in 2012, it actually already happened. Recently, Justin Queefer and Selena Gomez officially came out as a beard...I mean, couple. "Came out" being the operative term here. Okay, okay, I'm just kidding. I make a lot of jokes about the STBiebs, but I'm not really a die hard hater, I just think he looks funny.
Anyway, the point is that at the exact moment Bieber tried unsuccessfully to devour Selena Gomez's face, throngs of teenage girls worldwide tweeted so quickly it supercharged the Earth's magnetic poles, instantaneously throwing the planet out of rotation around the sun, thus initiating worldwide apocalypse and we are all now dashing off out of our solar system into the infinite abyss of space. If you've looked out your window recently you've probably seen what the world has become. It's okay, I'm scared too. Lock your doors and make sure you've got a decent supply of toilet paper. Like the day after a hefty dinner of corn casserole and refried beans, we're going to have to be strong to ride this one out. But hey, look at it this way, while we're on the john we can belt out our own rendition of the song that pretty much no one wants to hear ever again...ever.

Baby baby baby - OOOOOOoooooh! - baby baby baby - OOOOOOOOOOOOHOOhhhhhhh!