Tuesday, January 8, 2008

One Good Bomb Deserves Another

I've got a dirty secret...I actually kind of enjoyed the Resident Evil films. Well, that is to say I enjoy guns and attractive women and zombies, all of which the films had, just not in a way that actually resembles anything good. We all know that Paul W.S. Anderson is a rabid film rapist, and that's okay. In this day and age, somebody's got to do it. I just can't believe Alien Vs. Predator came from the same man that gave us Event Horizon. That's the scariest part. But anyway, if you're on the fence about renting or buying the new Resident Evil: Extinction, look no further than right into that blood-stained toilet bowl you know and love for a first-hand review.

So our adventure begins around what seems to be a year or two after the second entry in the franchise. I mean, jeez, I knew RE: Apocalypse was bad, but I didn't know it was the end of the world. Case in point, this film takes place entirely in the post apocalyptic wasteland that the United States has become...or South Central L.A. during the 1999 heat wave. In any case, it's a desert atmosphere full of strung out refugees wearing oddly Mad Max-ish clothing. We're led to believe that a convoy of people have been wandering the desert for about six months in vehicles that never break down, using up gasoline that is still around and eating canned food that they've managed to salvage. My only question is, with our looting culture as it is, how the hell did any of that stuff survive the end of the world anyway? No, no. I kid. It's all just help for the plot...or lack of one. So, that heroine Alice that we're all so "eh" about, has also been traveling around trying to evade the Umbrella Corporation (run by a rather unsatisfactory Wesker, I might add) and getting into trouble herself. Long story short, she meets up with Claire Redfield's convoy, they almost all die, and then she set's off to defeat Umbrella with a million more of herself (don't ask.) Really, for me, aside from a few okay action sequences, the only redeeming qualities of this movie are the mesmerizing Ali Larter playing Claire, that sexy beast Oded Fehr reprising his role as Carlos, and newcomer Spencer Locke as a completely and utterly unnecessary but nonetheless pleasant scream queen named "K-Mart," if you can believe it. All in all worth a look-see. I watched it twice just to see if I missed anything to complain about. It's just that the worst possible things about this franchise are what the f--- aspect of the Alice character and most of all the total absence of Chris Redfield, Leon Kennedy, and Barry Burton, the most awesome bad-asses in the whole series. Call me sexist if you must, but at least you can't disagree with me. Oh well, here's to hoping that in twenty years somebody makes a remake of the trilogy that's actually worth something.

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