Well I'm not sure how many people heard about this particularly painful piece of news, and I sure as hell hope there aren't any rabid 50 Cent fans in the audience, because it would make me even more ashamed to admit that...gulp...I'm just the tiniest bit jealous of the guy. We've all heard of the calorie packed psuedo-health drink Vitamin Water, right? Well, it seems that early in 2007, that old bullet-sponge Fiddy (as I've heard him called), signed on to be a spokesman for the beverage for a less than 5% claim in the company's stocks. Now, the only spokesmanly thing I ever saw this guy do was tell people to drink the water on one of the late night talk shows. Assuming he may have only done a teensy bit more promotional work, it paid off in spades I tell you, damn hell in spades! Sometime last year Coca-Cola bought the company that produces Vitamin Water for some 4 billion smackeroos! 50's cut, you ask? A whopping 100 million dollars for doing nothing more than sucking back on a little bland tasting piss water in front of a camera or two. Now all of this isn't to say I have anything against 50. Lord knows he's come a long way and I respect anybody that's built like a brick shit-house. But you know how much I made last year for all of my screaming and pushing while sitting on the commode losing valuable plasma? Nothing! Well, I did get a pretty raw ass out of the deal, but not one red cent! Maybe I should rethink my whole approach. If they pay money for bloody shit-water down at the blood bank, I would be rolling in it for once. Money, that is. Not my bloody shit-water, which I roll in every night.
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